Aspire Men’s Project – behaviour change work
Relationship work is not linear, and there is no instant fix. However, positive change is possible. This story has been adapted to protect privacy and is shared to highlight the impact of Aspire Men’s Project (AMP) and to celebrate a client’s progress.
Several years ago, a man engaged with AMP following difficulties in an intimate relationship. He had experienced significant trauma in childhood, which later influenced how he managed emotions such as anger and distress in adulthood. At that time, substance use was also present, contributing to unhealthy relationship dynamics. Through AMP, he began developing insight into his emotions and how these affected his behaviour in relationships. That relationship eventually ended.
Some time later, the client returned to AMP after entering a new, healthier relationship. While he had reduced his previous substance use, alcohol had become a challenge. During a conflict that involved alcohol, his behaviour escalated, and external supports were involved. This incident became a turning point, prompting him and his partner to commit to change and seek further support.
With guidance from AMP, the client made deliberate changes to his alcohol use, moving away from daily drinking and developing safer strategies to manage risk. He worked toward being transparent and accountable, involving his partner in conversations about safety and boundaries. Practical plans were put in place to reduce harm and prevent escalation. His partner also accessed independent support, contributing to positive outcomes for both.
Through counselling, the client focused on understanding the impact of his actions, building empathy, and recognising how past trauma influenced his responses under stress. He developed safer ways to communicate, particularly during disagreement, and learned to pause and regulate his emotions rather than react impulsively.
Before concluding his engagement with AMP, the client demonstrated meaningful progress. During a recent disagreement, he recognised early signs of escalation and chose to step away and take time out. The issue was revisited later, allowing both partners to communicate calmly and respectfully. This marked a significant shift from past patterns.
The client has made important changes in his relationship with alcohol, his understanding of healthy relationships, and his ability to manage conflict without causing harm. His progress reflects the value of accountability, support, and sustained effort over time. Change worth celebrating.
For enquiries about AMP services please email admin@taranakiwomensrefuge.co.nz
